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Mistake #4 - Binge Eating and Alcohol
Mistake #10 - Seek Revenge
When you continuously over analyze what had happened with your relationship, you will be spending more time obsessing with what could have been as opposed to healing. You shouldn’t start wallowing in self-pity at the moment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but to be able to move on and finally understand that it's okay to be single for the meantime. You need to also understand that this breakup was to help you be better and to avoid making similar mistake in the future.
Mistake #6 - Begging For Reconciliation
Don't try to break down your ex's car, or teepee their house. Never do something that can cause you legal trouble and a restraining order. If you are hurting, deal with it through venting out on your friends and not on your ex. The temptation of revenge won't feed anything but your bitterness. You might have been betrayed, but revenge won't heal your wounds. Move on, it really is the best thing to do.
Mistake #2 - Venting Problems On The Internet
10 Worst Mistakes People Make After A Bad Break-Up
Mistake #8 - Dating Ex's Friends
Mistake #1 - Pretend You Are Fine
Venting on your social media accounts regarding your problems isn't just embarrassing, but it is also quite dangerous as well. There are two rules you need to follow,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which are to not post anything regarding your breakup drama on the Internet no matter how hurtful it may be, and to resist the urge of stalking your ex Online. De-friending or just hiding your account and statuses could help you to avoid the constant temptations to check up on them to see how they're doing.
Worrying and stressing all about what happened can be something that can cause you to be depressed. Instead of being so worried and panicked, you should instead consider believing how this may all be for the best. When you are able to understand that the breakup was for the best, then you won't have to worry about what happened and what could have happened.
Randomly dating people and sleeping with them may temporarily heal your wounds, but it definitely won't help you fully cope. If you want to start a relationship, it must be when you are completely over your ex,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because if not, you will just be hurting yourself and the person or the people you decide to be with.
Mistake #9 - Starting Useless And Meaningless Relationships
If you start dating your ex's friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then you will likely windup losing the respect of your ex and even your friends. When you do this, not only will you be disconnected from your ex, but it will make your entire physical appearance from the public quite negative. You need to fully distance yourself from your ex and everyone who knows him or her, so dating their friends shouldn't be an option.
Breakups are something that people go through all the time. It is something that can be painful and difficult to go through. This is why it is important to know how to deal with the problem as opposed to reacting to the breakup in a way that makes the process even harder to go through. However, when you're mourning from a broken relationship, you need to make sure that you avoid a couple things that totally go against the entire breakup etiquette rules.
Mistake #5 - Staying Friends
Mistake #3 - Over Analyzing The Break Up
No matter how much your breakup may hurt, abusing food and alcohol is never the answer. A ton of people tend to let themselves go because of how hurt they are with the breakup they went through. However, doing this will only make the entire process harder to get through. You want to be able to forget about the breakup and not try to find more reasons why they are the perfect partner,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because you will never get them back that way.
Mistake #7 - Worry
After a breakup, don't act like you are fine. Give yourself time to mourn, or punch a pillow, cry,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], write in your journal and tell your friends exactly how you feel. The temptations might be to just pretend that you are totally unaffected regarding the breakup, but don't let your pride block yourself from allowing yourself to let out your feelings. This doesn't mean you can sob in the office,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but you will need to take quiet moments for yourself to fully reflect on what had happened to be honest with the entire situation. It is completely okay to be sad,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hurt, or mad. It is a healthy way to express your feelings honestly than to just feel numb.
Although there is nothing wrong with trying to fix your broken relationship, but when the relationship first ends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it’s best to distance yourself from your partner for a while. Maybe you can't understand why your relationship ended,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but it may be for the best. Maybe you might think that your relationship ended because of incorrect reasons, but it usually is only for the best. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Instead of just clinging to your ex, you will need to go hangout with your friends and have fun.
Your ex will only want you back when you appear unavailable and impossible to reach. By doing something for yourself on a daily basis,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you will become more attractive to your ex, and this will make him crave to get you back.
It is so rare for breakups to lead to a decent and solid friendship. This can only happen until you are completely fine with the fact that your ex will be dating new people and introducing those people to you. It is very important that you create intentional space even for a little while to let yourself breathe and mourn after the relationship. If it seems like your ex is forcing to start a friendship, let them know that it may not be a good idea for the moment. Right now, you may not be looking to want to hangout with someone who has just broken your heart. So make sure you have your space.
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Peter’s corollary states that “in time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out their duties” and adds that “work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.” “Managing upward” is the concept of a subordinate finding ways to subtly “manage” superiors in order to limit the damage that they end up doing.
If I’m a director of a play,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I’d not be able to see the whole representation or gestalt of a scene if I were on stage directing amid the characters. Seated off stage in the audience or even in the balcony I can see the bigger picture of how the actors engage with each other, the lighting, the set design, the sound quality: I can see things I wouldn’t be able to if I didn’t set myself apart to view get the Big Picture.
I can’t tell you the number of times over that past few weeks that I’ve heard the term seeing the big picture. I pay attention when something is said two or more times; there’s something to be mined for myself and perhaps for others.
Enjoy the adventure!
The dilemma, which will surely arise is that we are generally committed to maintaining the level of comfort and invulnerability within which we don’t feel threatened and are in jeopardy of losing respect or losing face. In order to let go of the trapeze bar of one level of functioning in order to swing to and grasp another, you have to be committed enough to let go of what no longer serves. Some of us aren’t willing to do this unless we know that there is a secure and well-placed safety net below that will catch us unscathed if we do fall.
One distinction of a good leader is that they are willing to risk the scathing, the failures, and the vulnerability because they are able to see from a bigger picture that these potential risks serve the Bigger Picture. They are committed to this bigger picture enough. Without the ability to see the bigger picture they would not have the level of fearlessness required to make those hard choices.
One aspect of being an executive coach that I love is that I’m in a sense a leader’s leader. I hold the bigger picture for my executive clients to live into. I give them a bigger bandwidth within which to experience themselves, their organization and the role they intend to play. I empower them to make the leap and while in the leap experience the transition from who they thought they were to who they are becoming. This noticing of what it’s like to be in the leap – noticing the various muscles that are used to engage, maintain and complete the leap is also an aspect of the Bigger Picture that we don’t think about when we ask our direct reports to shift or change their context in order to also see and act from the Big Picture.
Until Chantal was hired as the CFO, it didn’t occur to her that she would need to operate differently from the way she had been working just months ago. Most of us take our Operating Procedure Manual(OPM) with us to the next level of leadership only to find that we are drained by juggling what we’ve been doing with the requirement of working as if you are holding the Bigger Picture; before you even know what that means. Chantal realized that in order to fulfill her roles as the CFO she’s got to let go of her limiting OPM and take the leap.
Rising to the level of incompetence
The Life Guard Analogy:
Moments of Transcendence
In the business environment, getting the Bigger Picture is what Alon is wanting of his new CFO, Chantal; and it’s what she want from the manager, Marko,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who she is hiring next week; and, it’s what Alon’s manager is wanting from him, too. Do these individuals have the capacity to see the Bigger Picture and then make leadership decisions that will support what is desired for all?
It’s challenging to pop out of your current fishbowl or context in order to see the Bigger Picture. Again, like a fish, we don’t know that there is a reality outside the fishbowl within which we are immersed. We say “What Fishbowl? What Bigger Picture?” It’s not that we are ignorant,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it’s that rarely is there a context that allows us to get that there is a Bigger Picture to see.
Director of a Play Analogy:
With the Peter Principle in mind then, one perhaps rises to their ability to see the Bigger Picture and then be able to act with competence,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], fulfilling their duties. It takes commitment and a capacity to expand one’s reality. What are you willing to practice in service to seeing the Bigger Picture and perhaps meet your incompetence? Every great leader must face this exquisite and essential moment of reckoning. And, if they can learn from the experience they have a great capacity to empower others to do the same.
The bigger the picture you can hold the more valuable you are to your company and organization
If I’m a lifeguard,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I’m less likely to see anyone in distress if I’m in the pool swimming around with the rest of the swimmers. I have to be up above the pool in order to get more of a bird’s eye view; this way I can see much more activity and take actions more quickly.
Everyone of us who aspires to something greater than our current fishbowl, our current job, position, role,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or level of responsibility has to risk this moment of vulnerability and failure. What makes a good leader and someone who is more likely to get promoted over and over again is the willingness to jump out of the fishbowl, out of the pool,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], off the stage, in order to see the Bigger Picture from which to lead far more effectively.
The Fishbowl Analogy:
We are all immersed in a paradigm and reality, much like a fish in the water it swims in. A fish can’t distinguish itself from this water, just as most of us don’t distinguish ourselves from our thoughts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], emotions and body sensations; just as most of us don’t distinguish ourselves from the work, roles and details we’ve been attending to, without considering the value of our contribution,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the degree of fulfillment, toxicity or dysfunction we may contribute to, and the productivity gained from a business or financial perspective.
Formulated by Dr. Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull, the Peter Principle states that “in a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence,” meaning that employees tend to be promoted until they reach a position at which they cannot work competently.
I’ll give you a number of analogies that might be helpful:
Seeing the Big Picture; what the heck does that mean? What requires one to see the big picture? And, what dilemma becomes apparent when considering the leap? “The Leap?” you might ask. Why would it take a leap?
Quite often we have moments of lucidity, where we get the big AH-HA! However,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this moments of transcendence dissolve back into are reality that we call normal. Exercising the muscles of awareness through noticing, which constantly nudges one to stay awake and aware,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is required for most of us to truly shift our paradigm to include this next level of the Bigger Picture.
Like the woman on the flying trapeze, Chantal will have to let go of a known way of viewing the world. She’ll have to operate from a different and larger perspective, which requires a letting go of the known for the unknown. She’ll be surrendering her invulnerability,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and the survival mechanism she developed, that worked well enough to avoid vulnerability. Like all of us, Chantal wants to avoid that moment when she meets the “I don’t know how to make that leap without possibly falling on my face and looking like a complete fool and failure.”
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Very easy to operate and maneuver,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a pontoon boat is certainly user-friendly vessel that’s why it's very well-known for people who want a gentle cruise along a great lake or river. If you have your very own boat,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you know that you are in charge to take care of it rather than just using it from one cruise to another one. It's also best to seek help from the skilled pontoon maintenance Gold Coast.
Most people use boats for cruising around seas,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], rivers and lakes. For those who simply prefer a slow moving vessel to have fun with their time on water,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a pontoon boat is perfect for them especially during family vacation, fishing trips and entertaining guests. It is a slow moving vessel that consists of two floatation device called pontoons and a platform on top. These boats are equipped with couches,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a bimini top to protect the passengers from the sun along with a ladder for the swimmers to easily get into and out of the water. Cruising on a pontoon boat gives a fun and comfortable experience.
When cleaning the boat exterior,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make sure to include the part under the boat to avoid salt build-up. Everybody knows that boats are prone to the growth of mold and mildew that’s why it's important to clean storage parts and get rid of everything that is wet. You also need to flush out the engine every time and make sure you turn the key off after you've completed flushing. Dry the boat completely and wipe it down with an anti-corrosive solution.
It's important to cover the boat when not being used to keep dirt and water away during storage. Straps and poles should be used to tie up the cover securely so water won’t pool on the boat cover. The boat cover fabric has to be breathable to keep moisture from accumulating inside. It's best to have your boats stored indoors to be completely protected against pests and rodents. By thoroughly covering your boat,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you know that it well preserved and ready for the next cruise.
Caring for pontoon boat means cleaning it after use. Everything should be washed with fresh water as well as a cleaning solution,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. A scrub and vacuum is needed to thoroughly clean the carpet and upholstery,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
The parts that should be checked for cracks and leaks are fuel line,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], fuel primer bulb, fuel tanks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and many others. Always check the entire boat for signs of wear and tear mainly the parts hidden below the water.
Cruising on water often becomes a regular leisure activity for most of us that it is very important for them to have their boats well-maintained,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Regular cleaning and maintenance extends the life span of a boat and saves boat owners an expensive repair later on.
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When Kate calmed down sufficiently,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], she had the presence of mind to recognize, that as painful as this whole experience would be, she could use this as an important opportunity to demonstrate her values and to hopefully teach her daughter about empathy and personal responsibility.
And, in this case,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it actually DID matter to Lindsey that her mother would hold her with high regard. So,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it was tough for Lindsey to look her mother in the eye. She became defensive,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at first denying it was true. She finally admitted that she had had something to do with the posting,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but she started to blame other girls, saying she wasn’t the only one who had posted things about Jessica. Kate made it very clear, that she was NOT interested in discussing the behavior of the other girls. She was concerned with her daughter’s behavior and would hold Lindsey accountable for the way that she treated other people. She counted on Lindsey to be the leader among her friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], treating everyone with respect,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even if they chose not to be friends.
What Kate did next was incredibly tough. She spent some time asking Lindsey to put herself in Jessica’s shoes, imagining how painful and humiliating the posting had been. Kate told Lindsey that she expected her to write a heartfelt letter of apology. She also expected a public retraction of the falsehoods online and a public apology, as well. In addition, she expected Lindsey to apologize in person for the heartache that she had caused. When Lindsey balked, Kate said she would go with her to the Smiths to offer support because Kate knew that it would be uncomfortable for Lindsey to face the Smiths alone. Lindsey’s internet and texting privileges were strictly limited for a specific period of time.
Flustered, Kate stammered out a weak apology and a promise to find out what was going on. Kate was a wreck after she got off the phone. Mortified, she wanted to wring Lindsey’s neck. Lately, she didn’t recognize Lindsey. Her sweet angel had suddenly morphed into a creature that could be petty and down right mean. She reminded herself not jump to any conclusions, but she had a sick feeling, not doubting the truth of Fran’s allegations. What she couldn’t understand was why Lindsey,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], attractive, bright and popular, would have any reason to target another girl.
In order to have this conversation in an authentic way, Kate had to do some serious soul searching about her own value system and the way that she herself treated other people. Had Kate been one to gossip meanly about others in front of her children,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or one that cursed and spoke rudely to her family and friends, Lindsey could have shrugged her shoulders and said to herself “Look who’s talking?!!” However, this was not the case. Kate had always been the type of person to bend over backwards to treat others with care.
Kate stopped herself from going down the path of blaming HERSELF mercilessly for having failed in her parenting. She decided to wait until she got home that evening to sit quietly with her daughter; not only to ascertain the facts but to give Lindsey a fair opportunity to comment on Fran’s accusations. Kate knew it would be important throughout to emphasize how much she loved Lindsey and how much Kate wanted to maintain a relationship where the two of them could speak up freely about important topics, without inappropriate blame or judgment. She wanted Lindsey to know that she was available to support her with the tough situations that she faced. However, Kate reiterated that she counted on every member of the family to treat each other, and friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], with respect, compassion and dignity.
I’m not suggesting that this is a storybook tale about one mother’s efforts that miraculously changed her daughter’s behavior overnight. Rather,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this is the story of one day in the life of a family where there were ongoing tests of will and a mother’s commitment to instill values and decency. Kate has consistently held her own behavior to a high standard, trying to serve as a credible role model that she hopes her daughter will choose to emulate.
One of the toughest challenges for parents is to recognize that despite all of our efforts to raise our special darlings to become decent human beings we can be proud of, there are times that our children behave less than admirably. In fact,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there may be times that we don’t like their behavior at all! Taking a step back to evaluate what their actions mean to us and how to proceed can be a daunting prospect.
The phone call came when Kate (the names have been changed) was about to walk into an important meeting. She was totally unprepared for the venomous hysterics from her neighbor, Fran Smith. Fran claimed that Kate’s eleven-year-old daughter Lindsey had posted vicious lies about Fran’s daughter Jessica on Facebook. Jessica was apparently devastated and refusing to go to school. Fran was demanding that Kate handle the situation or she was going to go to the principal.
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Crane is one of the most useful and creative invention by mankind. Invention of crane has given ease to people largely in terms of lifting heavy weights and equipment which is very tiring or next to impossible for mankind. Cranes are designed to lift heavy objects and can easily move goods from one place to another without much trouble. It is helpful in lifting and moving heights weights, quite safely and dexterously. Gantry cranes are used in both the manufacturing as well as the construction industry. You can easily determine the movement of goods without any trouble.
* Mobility: What makes this crane exclusive is that unlike any other crane,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is its mobility. You can easily move this crane from one location to another.
* Inexpensive: it is comparatively cheaper and inexpensive as compared to gantry cranes. You won’t find this gadget to be bothersome,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even if you don’t have requirement of weight lifting regularly.
* Heavy weight lifting capacity: Gantry cranes are useful cranes and have a capacity of lift heavy weights where many other cranes fail to do so. It can lift weight up to five tons,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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* Polyurethane gantry crane parts: what makes this gantry cranes strong, durable and long lasting, is Polyurethane which is basically used in the rolling wheels of cranes for the smooth movement of the equipment.
* Gantry cranes and its popularity: you can see this equipment quite frequently in the factories and manufacturing units. People are trustfully accepting using this gadget.
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Following are the chief features of Gantry cranes
Cranes are very popular these days,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and this is a reason that we find several kinds of cranes in market such as Bridge cranes, overhead cranes, overhead bridge cranes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and much more. These cranes are used exhaustively at the present times and people are relatively more dependent. They prefer to enjoy benefits by bossing them and you can easily available online gantry stores. The best part of these cranes is that while buying online,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you would get money saving discounts.
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I'd wake up feeling lost and hopeless someone would call me with a job opportunity. Intuitively, I'd follow the lead. The lead may have led to a closed opportunity or a failed job experience but I kept following the voice. In what seemed like a string of events that kept building my hope and faith I progressively came to a place where I felt like I was home in my evolving vocation. I wasn't qualified for it, I didn't have the degree, credentials or certifications but there I was. Standing in front of others who were in the place I was once in-helping them reach for a grander life. I was nervous but thrilled and excited. I kept telling myself I wasn't good enough but I stuck with it. I was younger than most of my students,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I was less experienced than most of my students but I strove to make a difference. How could that possibly be? I didn't have a conscious clue what I wanted to do with my life. I had a gut feeling of how I wanted it to feel and that I wanted to teach something. I could tell you what I didn't want but not what I really wanted. But despite of it all,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this job was practically handed to me. My calling carried me to it!
Although I didn't know it at the time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I tuned into my calling in my early 20's when I walked out of the downtown Brooklyn welfare office with my daughter. There was a voice from within that told me to never return. Straight out. IT inspired me to push for my freedom. You see I'd never known anything but welfare assistance. Our livelihood was rooted in it, I was passed on to my mother's case manager when I was 18, it was a way of life. But one day a conviction larger than I could have understood at the time set in--this life wasn't for me. It wasn't the life I was born to live.
Our calling is a grand gift to be received and shared with others. It seems so personal because it's so gratifying,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it makes us feel connected and alive. Remember,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that it's a light that has to be shared with others in order to grow and thrive.
You have a voice,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a gift, a contribution that's calling you. Once you hear the calling it' your responsibility to answer it. You are important,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your dream's desire fruition and the world is waiting for you!
Can I share something with you?
I walked out of that welfare office young,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], scared to death, not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do with my life. I had a baby to take care of, a life was depending on me. But even with the confusion, fear and tears, I kept walking. Listening to that voice inside of me that told me there were countless others in the world who are living in the same or greater misery. They need help too. I got it but I didn't get what it had to do with me. Oh well,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I didn't have to totally get it, it was too strong to ignore,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], so I kept pressing.
I have story after story of how I've walked into positions in my life. Not because I knew someone or that I was credentialed for the job. Not that I wasn't afraid or didn't doubt myself. My calling has literally carried me through my life. That voice has taking me further than I would have ever envisioned for myself. Along the way I've made it hard on myself and have fallen many times. But in truth, my only job was to listen and follow.
Are you answering your calling? Do you ask yourself Who Am I and What am I here for? What has your journey been like? Are you struggling with it? Afraid or doubting,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
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The first major mistake committed by people who have recently broken up is that they just readily accept their condition. People without considering the outcome of their decision,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], without giving second thoughts just decide that it's best for them to breakup. The negative effects of doing this is that later sometimes they realize that they have still not been able to move on. When this realization comes in mostly people end up in depression and this despair may lead to many tragedies. It's better to give yourself and your partner some space and time.
Cutting off any kind of communication with the ex partner is one of the major misguided strategy that people opt. Mostly people take this strategy in a wrong way. The actual strategy is to keep limited but required contact with the ex partner,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Harassing your ex with frequent calls or emails would be absolutely wrong. On the other hand breaking off all contacts will also negatively affect things as the ex partner may be literally convinced that the person wants to move out of the relation totally.
People start developing negative emotions towards their ex partners,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. This is the worst mistake that one can make,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Negative emotions develop unnecessary hatred towards your ex. This hatred would be completely irrelevant of the reality,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. People start blaming their ex partners for things which they were not actually at fault,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It's better to leave such emotions and try a positive attitude.
When someone breaks up, almost everyone is ready to give them free advice. The problem with this is,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], mostly the advice that is provided,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is counterproductive. Below you can read about a few wrong strategies that people opt to apply to try and get back their ex.
Breakups and divorces may happen for a numerous number of reasons,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but the main reason for these broken up relations not being able to coming back together is the mistakes made by the partners.
These are just some of the unwise strategies that are applied by people to get their ex back fast,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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It’s very important that you take care of yourself physically and stop being weighed down by the breakup. More often than not, immediately after a breakup most people are not bothered about their physically appearance, they say to themselves, “why should I be concerned about how I look when the person that means the world to me has decided to call it a quit in the relationship.” If this describes you, then you must change your mentality. The truth is that nobody wants to be around someone that is depressed and sad. If you love yourself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you will attract people towards you and this includes your ex as well. Do whatever it takes to look good and this may include: getting your body in shape, getting a new hairdo, getting some new wears etc.
Making your ex fall in love with you again will not happen overnight. You need to give your ex some time, and don’t even try to use jealousy as a tool.
You need to give your ex space and time to make him or her fall in love with you again. I know this is easier said than done especially if you still have strong feelings for them, and you may be thinking that they might start dating someone else; however,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this is something you must do if you want your ex back. At the moment the two of you are upset, so it’s best take some time off to allow things cool down. Not only does your ex need this time, you as well need it. Staying away from your ex helps you to get rid of the feeling of panic and enables you to think clearly as well as strategically. You may have heard of the old saying,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Therefore,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your ex needs time to miss you for them to want you back. They are never going to miss you if you are always pestering them. If they don’t miss you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then it’s absolutely impossible to make your ex fall in love with you again.
This is a very important step to make your ex fall in love with you again. You don’t want to appear miserable and downtrodden. Instead, do everything possible to appear healthy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], happy and glowing. Being confident shows your ex that you are doing well and enjoying life without them. What your ex expects is for you to be miserable and downtrodden,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and when they see that you are happy and doing well, they will begin to wonder. This curiosity to know what you are up to is what will attract them back to you again.
Take Some Time Off
Come to think of it, your ex probably fell in love with you initially because of something unique about you. Therefore, you need to become that person your ex initially fell in love with. Your ex probably left you because you stopped being that person they fell in love with at the beginning,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], so you must take action and start doing things the right way. When they see that you are making effort to fix things, this will make your ex fall in love with you again.
Using jealousy as a tool to make your ex fall in love with you again is something you must absolutely avoid,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You may be thinking of starting a new relationship with the intention to get the attention of your ex and to make him or her jealous. This is definitely going to boomerang because your ex will think that you have started dating and decide to move on,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Taking Care of Yourself Physically
Take Action
“How to make your ex fall in love with you again?” If you are asking this question, probability is that you are in search of ways to rekindle the love in your relationship. Normally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], after a breakup, you still have lingering emotions for your ex. There will be moment when you are going to miss him or her like crazy and wish you both were still together. Making your ex fall in love with you again is not as complicated as you think. If you know the psychological hot buttons to push in your ex, then getting them back is as easy as 1,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 2, 3. The fact is that your ex still loves you even if the breakup occurred long ago or you both don’t talk often. Now, let’s talk about some stunting psychological trick to make your ex fall in love with you again.
Be Confident
The Move to Avoid
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So I thought about that. Why am I doing so well with goals now, when I so dreaded them when I worked for someone else? I mean what has changed? Why do I insist that my clients set goals and focus on them,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when I barely paid any attention to them at all when I was a leader in corporate America? What is the difference? The difference is that goals are powerful, goals are helpful and goals create a high rate of return on investment -- if they are your goals. In order for goals to work on all levels,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they need to be your goals, not your company’s, not your spouse’s, not society’s, but your goals.
And of course,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this leads to my favorite topic: personal responsibility. Whether you are working for yourself, you have a manager, or you work in a corporate environment, goal setting is not something that should be done to you, it is something you should do for yourself. Sure, you may still need to work on the goals that others lay out for you, but it does not mean you cannot create, develop, and hold yourself accountable to your own goals. It is your life and your career. What are you waiting for? Take the time to sit down and think about what you really want,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], where you want to be,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and what you need to focus on to make that happen. Yes, goal setting really is that easy and that simple.
Then, each and every day, take your goals out and look at them. Read them aloud and think about what steps you want and need to take to make them happen. Then sit back and watch as you implement the behaviors and actions you need to move your business, your career and your life to the next level.
Unfortunately, that is how many of us look at goals: Something to be dreaded or even feared rather than embraced. Honestly, goals are powerful, helpful, and most importantly, they yield a high rate of return on investment. Why? Goals give you purpose, focus, a plan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and an understanding of exactly what you need to accomplish and by when.
This year, I set a revenue goal and a behavior goal in early December,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], both of which,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as I was writing them down, gave me a little concern as to my ability to achieve them. I was especially concerned about achieving the revenue goal during the slower months of January and February. However,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I went for it. I set both goals and set about planning to just go for it. Now I sit here in mid-February on track and actually above my revenue goal for the first quarter. I can’t believe it, but I do believe that setting goals has helped me prioritize what I want and need to do to create the type of business and life I want.
See,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when you set your own goals, you have ownership, you buy into them, and you create a vision of what you want. Doing so allows the power of your goals to be unleashed. Goals give you focus, energy to achieve,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and internal drive -- that is, when they are your goals. So if someone else is setting a goal for you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a goal you do not understand, you are not sure you can accomplish, or you don’t aspire to, that goal will become a hindrance, not a support. It will actually de-motivate you rather than inspire you. One of my favorite sayings is, “People support what they help create,” and nothing could be truer when it comes to goals and goal setting.
Do you set goals? I have to admit, early in my career there was nothing -- I mean nothing -- I hated more than goals. I dreaded that time of year when corporate would send down, from on high, their expectations of what they wanted and expected us to do. The goals were always high, always confusing, and always late. Meaning that by the time they decided what our goals would be, we were already behind when we received them.
At the risk of sounding too “out there,” I say that goals also help you manifest your destiny. The mere task of setting goals, looking at them each day, and getting yourself focused on achieving them somehow creates an energy or a force that gives you the resources and information you need to make things happen.
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Dr. Major emphasizes that the obsessed alienator is consumed with destroying the targeted parent’s relationship with the child. She concludes that the severely obsessed alienator is untreatable. Her comments include “They don’t bend;” ”It is winner take all for them;” “They have a very serious psychiatric problem.” “You can't fix those people.”
We cannot read their minds. We cannot know what they actually believe. They lie. When a rapist, for example, elaborates a detailed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], vivid account of his innocence, does that mean he really believes he wasn’t at the scene of the crime, or is he just spinning a convincing version of what he wants others to believe? If - as I think –parental alienators are sociopathic without conscience - how can anyone know the difference between what they actually think and what they say? Parental alienators lie about the targeted parent. They can be very convincing. They can even induce others to conclude that they actually believe their own fabrications.
Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner first identified Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in the 1980's. He observed that the disorder wasn't just brainwashing or programming by a parent. It includes what Dr. Gardner calls self-created contributions by the child in support of the alienating parent's campaign of denigration against the targeted parent.
In my YouTube video, Parental Alienation Syndrome Excerpts from Gregory Mantell Show,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I have excerpted segments from an excellent discussion of Parental Alienation. This episode is from a weekly half-hour progam, the most successful talk show on the internet. "The Gregory Mantell Show” also airs on cable TV in Los Angeles and NYC. The episode’s discussion is comprehensive and features Dr. Jayne Major and police officer Catherine MacWillie. I have excerpted approximately 6 min from this 26 min segment. The excerpts will speak for themselves with one comment that I reserve at the end.
My experience corroborates her conclusion that severely obsessed alienators are untreatable, often sociopathic and narcissistic, unable to experience empathy or compassion for others, and unable to appreciate another person's point of view, including that of their child. They feel entitled to destroy the targeted parent and as collateral damage, even harm their children.
Dr. Douglas Darnall in his book Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children from Parental Alienation, describes three categories of PA:
Abusers lie. If they are consistent and convincing, they may induce others to believe what they fabricate. And, if they are consistently good at it, they may even appear to believe what say. Perhaps, – they have awareness that they are lying, but, perhaps, they never admit it.
The Child’s Participation in Parental Alienation
In divorce, how could a child be brainwashed or programmed by one parent to denigrate the other parent to the point, sometimes of outrageously vilifying and hating the targeted parent.
As an aid in understanding this difﬁcult to comprehend and fascinating phenomenon,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you may view my YouTube videos on the topic by visiting my website at [link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
What motivates a parent to undertake PAS?
PAS parents tend to be narcissistic (self-centered) and sociopathic (lacking moral conscience). They experience a significant narcissistic blow from the failure of the marriage,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and they feel entitled to absolutely destroy the child’s relationship with the other parent. To accomplish this, they must essentially assume total control over their child. They may appear to love their children, but this is only an appearance. To the alienator, the children are merely possessions – much like a “beloved” teddy bear is. If “Teddy” were to come to life and actually assert himself, the alienator might toss him into the closet. Alienators are unable to see the child as a separate from themselves. Possession is not real love. Truly loving parents don't need to do a parentectomy on their child (assuming no actual abuse has taking place). But alienators feel entitled to lie.
Narcissistic alienating parents presume that they have special entitlement. They think that rules apply only to other people.
As sociopaths, they are unable to experience empathy or compassion for others. They are unable to appreciate another person's point of view, including that of their child.
In spite of admonitions from judges and mental health professionals to stop their alienation, they can't. The prognosis for severely alienating parents is very poor. It is unlikely that they will stop trying to perpetuate the alienation. It is virtually a survival issue to them.
The Escalating Levels of Parental Alienation (PA)
PAS has not developed if the child still has a positive relationship with the targeted parent, even though the other parent is attempting to alienate. This level of alienation may be called Parental Alienation (PA) but,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], without the child’s denigrating the targeted parent, it falls short of the full Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
But Dr,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Major - and many others - come to a common conclusion which I question. She and others conclude that obsessed alienators continue to spin elaborate falsehoods to the point that they actually come to believe their own fabrications.
1. Mild alienators are willing to be educated and change.
2. Moderate alienators more aggressively alienate. They get out of control and don't want to admit it when they were.
3. Severe alienators are obsessed with absolutely destroying the other parent's relationship with the child. Severe alienators are untreatable. They are sociopaths without guilt or conscience about destroying the other parent. Dr. Gardner believes the only effective management of obsessed alienators is removing the child from their influence.
The child's part in PAS
Gardner emphasizes that in PAS both the parent and the child contribute to the denigration of the targeted parent. The child has to actually participate in the process,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
1. The child denigrates the alienated parent with foul language and severe oppositional behavior.
2. The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger.
3. The child is sure of him or herself and doesn't demonstrate ambivalence, i.e. love and hate for the alienated parent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], only hate.
4. The child asserts that he or she alone came up with ideas of denigration. He calls this the "independent-thinker" phenomenon in which the child asserts that no one told him to reject and vilify the targeted parent.
5. The child supports and feels a need to protect the alienating parent.
6. The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated parent.
7. The child uses borrowed scenarios, or vividly describes situations that he or she could not have experienced.
8,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.
In severe cases of parent alienation, the alienator can even truthfully say that the child doesn't want to spend any time with this parent, even though he or she has told the child that visitation is ordered by the court. The alienator can say, "There isn't anything that I can do about it. I'm not telling him that he can't see you."
The targeted parent may have indeed spanked the child or lashed out at the alienating parent physically or emotionally. But an isolated incident can be remembered as a massacre.
The alienating parent's hatred exceeds normal bounds of resentment and can include allegations of domestic violence, stalking ,and the sexual molestation of the child. Targeted parents have been unnecessarily subjected to investigations of child abuse and neglect. In most cases the investigators report they found nothing wrong.
The lying befuddles most alienated parents. Yet, alienating parents are not necessarily unaware that they are fabricating. But they are consistent and convincing. They feel entitled to lie to gain their ends.
The courts have difficulty with PAS because traditional child abuse on the part of the alienating parent is unclear, especially when the child may be otherwise well cared for. On the other hand, PAS involves no true parental abuse and/or neglect on the part of the targeted, alienated parent. The child's animosity is not justified.
Almost always the alienator has people who support the alienation. The alienating parent often successfully enlists surrogate alienators, such as friends, lawyers, teachers, doctors, and mental health specialists who believe the alienator’s stories of how horrible is the other parent. Family members may also support the alienator financially or even provide massive amounts of money to fund litigation.
Alienation progresses by the alienating parent telling the child in great detail about every miserable and negative experience with the targeted parent. The child, enmeshed with the parent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], absorbs the parent's negativity. The child aligns with this parent and feels a need to protect the alienating parent. The alienating influence on the child is often further compounded by the presence of surrogate alienators.
Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition, Cresskill,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.
The brainwashing of children in PAS is difficult for most people to comprehend. It is the Stockholm syndrome of malicious divorce in which the child absorbs the world view of the powerful, alienating parent and discards contradictory knowledge of the other parent. In time, the child seems to forget good memories of the targeted parent.
What happens to the PAS child?
Obsessed alienators are untreatable. They are sociopathic, lacking moral conscience about the damage they inflict on the targeted parent and upon the children they would like everyone to believe they love. Dr. Gardner believes the only effective management of obsessed alienators is removing the child from their influence.
If the full syndrome is allowed to develop, the child becomes estranged from the alienated parent. The relationship with this parent is ultimately severed. Even as an adult, the child may never understand what happened.
The child's primary role model will be the maladaptive, dysfunctional parent. He or she will not have the benefit of growing up with the more well-adjusted parent and all that this parent can contribute to enrich the child's life. Many of these children come to experience serious psychiatric problems.
Without someone who can recognize the syndrome and counsel them, it is unlikely that they will ever understand it. However, sometimes, the child and the alienated parent do successfully reunite later in life.
How does a child succumb to PAS?
Gardner observed that alienation is not the full syndrome unless the child actively participates in the alienation and denigration of the targeted parent. The targeted parent, however, struggles to understand what has happened to what was once an affectionate and loving child who is now inexplicably hostile. How does this happen?
A central role of parenting is to help the child grow into a separate, independent person. Instead of promoting independence, however, the alienating parent exploits and encourages continued dependence. The alienating parent projects an image of himself or herself as capable and of the targeted parent as incapable of caring for the child.
When children enjoy spending time with the targeted parent, they learn that such information is not welcome to the alienator. They may want to bond with the targeted parent, but they essentially make a strategic decision that it is in their best interests to side with the powerful alienator. Therefore, children will tell the alienator everything they didn't enjoy about time spent with the other parent.
When parents first separate there is often parent alienation. A parent, for example, might communicate indirectly to a child the message that he or she is not safe with the other parent.
The alienating parent might say:
"If you get scared, you call me right away."
"I'll come get you if you want to come home."
Usually this level of alienation subsides as the parents adjust.
.
I will relate a brief clinical vignette. Joe, not his real name, was convicted of spousal abuse and remanded by the court to a rehabilitation program for abusers. As part of the therapy, staff and patients participated in a dramatization about physical abuse between a husband and wife. A male staff member played the part of the abusive husband. When his stage wife complained that he had punched and hurt her, he apologized. Joe immediately stood up and instructed the stage husband, “Never, never apologize; never admit your responsibility.” I think Joe reveals something important. He is telling us that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as an abuser, he would not acknowledge his abusive behavior. That does not mean he lacks awareness of it – only that he would never acknowledge it.
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It is important to remember that getting clean and sober is a process. When confronted by a family member about the alcohol or other drugs, an alcoholic/addict initially denies that they are using and tries to engage the confronting parent in a debate, argument, or "prove it" session. The parent or significant other does not have to prove anything. They just have to describe the behavior that is problematic, how it affects them, and that they are not willing to continue to tolerate it. Parents can point out the connection between the dots, but not engage in an argument about it. They might say something like this "when you do this........, I think that you are using drugs. I feel hurt and scared and I am not willing to watch you destroy your life. You cannot continue to live with us the way that you are. There is a bed reserved for you at ......treatment center. Before you finish treatment we will help you figure out what to do next."
Of course, when you have little information about these factors, you also don't know what level of care the alcoholic/addict needs. There are plenty of licensed alcohol/drug counselors who can do an assessment and make recommendations about a level of care.
People are usually motivated to change in the midst of pain. When there are negative consequences that are causing emotional,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], psychological, or other distress, addicts can become willing to ask for and/or accept help. The help that they ask for is usually about wanting to be bailed out again,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but when one's choices are equally unattractive, a treatment center bed begins to sound pretty good.
One of the problems with that is that all assessment for addiction is based on self-report data. Although there are scales in many diagnostic tools that are supposed to be able to detect denial and dishonest answers, addiction can certainly go undetected.
All of this speaks to the complicated issue that parents are dealing with,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Anyone in this process would benefit from professional help in figuring out how best to navigate these turbulent waters. I would encourage any parent or spouse in this position to get help for the process,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Getting a loved one into treatment is just the beginning.
When an adult child with addiction problems lives with his parents, those parents are faced with hard choices. The addict believes that he is only harming himself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], yet the truth is that the addiction is hurting everyone and is typically tearing the family apart.
After the initial confrontation and offer for help,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the alcoholic/addict will usually try to play "let's make a deal". This often involves a verbalized willingness to do some lesser treatment alternative,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], like AA/NA or Outpatient counseling.
There are professionals that do interventions. Parents and other significant people can also do an intervention. If he chooses to move out instead of going to treatment at this point, it does not mean that there will not be another opportunity to offer treatment.
Parents and significant others of alcoholics/addicts in deciding upon a course of action must make decisions based on what they can live with. There is a huge difference between bottom lines and threats. If in fact, family members have decided that they are not willing to tolerate having an active addict living in their home, then they are at a bottom line.
Usually when someone is at the point where someone else is intervening on their behalf vs. having had a "moment of clarity" where they can really see that they have a problem and are ready for recovery,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they are often not in a psychological or emotional place where AA/NA alone would be enough to establish and maintain abstinence. (Although it is possible).
A bottom line is different from a threat in that you know when you say it, you mean it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and that you can follow through. A threat may involve using the exact same words,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but when you say them, you immediately wonder what you are going to do if it does not work.
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In a follow-up measure to last Thursday's cabinet reshuffle President Kim Dae-jung made nine new appointments for vice minister-level posts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Friday. Presidential spokesperson Park Sun-sook said a group of highly qualified figures have been tapped in hopes of revitalizing the public service sector so as to pave the way for successful state affairs during the remainder of President Kim's term in office.
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So when we experience some reminder of abandonment later in life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is natural to recreate the pain of distress and depression associated with abandonment, and this is the experience
we call loneliness. Reminders of abandonment can be subtle,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], such as scenes in a movie where a character is experiencing loneliness. Or they can be the natural reaction to the loss of an important person in your life.
Have you ever been lonely in a roomful of people,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Have you ever been perfectly content all alone?
Most people would answer yes to both questions
and yet a number of the same people complain of painful
chronic loneliness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. What is loneliness?
Why are some people troubled with it so much more
than others. How can we help children understand
this difficult and painful emotion and what
can be done about it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Accidental practicing of the thought and feeling of loneliness can lead to more frequent associations and reminders that evoke the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness can become a learned state of mind regardless of the reality of the individual's social circumstances,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Because the state of despair and depression is so painful, it is easily remembered and associated with abandonment.
If the mother is unable to or does not respond to this cry, the baby will eventually fall into a quiet state of despair and depression. Even this emotional state has survival value. For an infant separated from its mother, continued crying could attract the attention of a predator. Falling into a state of depression is the only option available to the infant to conserve its energy and give the mother time to sniff it out and come to the rescue.
Loneliness is not the same as shame, but shyness is a form of shame in the presence of strangers that can cause people to become isolated and associate their isolation with abandonment. Some people have such intense shyness that it interferes with their functioning because of their inability to risk rejection when they venture out in the social world.
First the baby cries, which has the potential to get Mom's attention in case she has wandered off and misplaced the baby. Have you ever heard the plaintive sound of a bear cub or elephant calf separated from its mother? It is not difficult
to recognize the tone of fear and sadness in the sound of their cry.
Because the brain is designed to pay attention to pain and danger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], focusing on the pain of anticipated loneliness can lead one to withdraw in depression rather than do the things necessary to make new friends or strengthen old friendships.
Sometimes it leads to a belief that relationships are inevitably painful and therefore not worth the effort. This is potentially very dangerous, because the more time we spend alone,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the more likely we are to reflect on the pain of loneliness or the anger over rejection. These emotions are hysically draining as well as socially disadvantageous.
The pain of loneliness can also become a stumbling block.
The emotion we refer to as loneliness has its roots in an affect that has critical survival value for babies,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. We might call this affect the distress of abandonment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The sense of sadness and despair a small child or animal feels on being left alone is painful and elicits two kinds of behavior,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Understanding the basic emotions contributing to loneliness and social phobia can help us recognize and begin to correct the more extreme expression of these emotions.
Finally, shame and depression can lead a person to hide themselves and their feelings behind a social façade in much the same way that the abandoned infant hides quietly in the tall grass in its depressed state. Without reaching out, a person becomes more isolated in reality as well as in thought and feeling.
In many cultures, human and animal,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a grieving person becomes the focus of the attention of the group. The friends show up to prevent the widow or widower from withdrawing too much into their grief.
We can also think of the possibility of future abandonment and create anticipatory loneliness, imagining a future life alone.
Fear of loneliness can motivate us to seek friendship.
Loneliness is a feeling, not a fact.
Loneliness may also have some survival value for adults because the prospect of loneliness may motivate us to reach out to others whom we need for survival. We are social animals and our best chance
of survival lies in our alliances and cooperation with others. The lowest status member in the tribe has a better chance of survival than one who is isolated and alone.
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The Financial Supervisory Service (FSS) announced Sunday that the banks selected the firms on their own criteria for credit risk evaluation, and that they will launch an evaluation of the firms by Jan.